You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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