And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
