I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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