I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
