i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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