Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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