oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Randomize
