I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize