So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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