if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
