The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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