maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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