Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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