Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize