D3 body, D1 cock
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
