we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
