Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
