If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There r osticjed everywhere
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
