I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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