Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
