I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
