her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think your dad took our porno
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
