i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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