I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I could fuck to npr.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
