so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
