Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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