All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
