I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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