I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
