is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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