Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize