dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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