You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
