Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
