just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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