You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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