i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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