Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
