The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
