You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dear god my vagina.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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