I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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