im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
