Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
