my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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