the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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