Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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