"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize