TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
