I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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