Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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