Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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