i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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