I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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