Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
