Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
