And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
