Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
