He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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