Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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