Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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