I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
