A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
