I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
