Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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