Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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