It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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