either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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