I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
