May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
