his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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