Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
